A Life Less Blog


Caught Unawares
July 29, 2010, 7:22 am
Filed under: Philosophy

sometimes I wish when I was sick I could just be sick,

instead of feeling like I have to pretend to be well.

my body knows I’m sick, I know I’m sick, but it feels

weird to act sick and not stop normal activities.

i don’t want to make other people sick because

they absorb my low immunity vibes.

it’s almost like being in the animal kingdom and

afraid to show the slightest weakness for fear of

being the first gazelle pounced on by the lion.

can you imagine how embarrassing that must be for the gazelle?

there you are, just taking a drink at the local watering hole and

BAM, suddenly you have lion teeth in your rump.

it must be such a validation that the other gazelles are faster,

smarter, and better than you when that happens.

if i was that gazelle, I would be pretty depressed.

I would probably just give up and concede letting the lion know

Yes.  I am the weaker species, you win.  Now just eat me and get this over with.

I think it might be worse for the other gazelles though who have to watch that.

I mean, they must start doing stretches or running in place or something…

something to show they are alert and fit and not going to be taken by surprise;

that is a lot of pressure to put on a gazelle, especially at 6:00 in the morning!

I guess the moral one can derive from this display of animal bravado, is not to

show weakness, EVER, or you just might be singled out as the weakest gazelle

and end up as some stronger, more dominant ( probably bigger and smarter than

you) predator’s dinner.



PMS…how about mind your own damn business!
July 28, 2010, 11:30 pm
Filed under: Emotions, Life, Poetry

abuse, cramp, and hatred are used below

how much abuse can one stomach take?

there must be some kind of deep seeded hatred within my bowels

that causes my intestines to cramp.

No, it is not “my time of the month,” thank you for asking…jackass.

I hate all the euphemisms used for a menstrual cycle…like

it is something that should not be talked about in public, like it

is some big, freakin’ secret that needs to be hidden from others.

I am a Woman!

I have a period…get over it!

no, Aunt Flo is not visiting,

no, I haven’t received a monthly gift from Mother Nature,

no, I am not crippled with a case of women’s problems…

I’m going through a perfectly natural, rite of passage that every woman

goes through at around the same time every month.

I’m experiencing the same relief millions of woman feel

when they go to the bathroom and find out they are not pregnant;

or the same panic that accompanies a trip to the toilet when we are pregnant.

So, anyone who would like to criticize me, and chastise me for showing a little pain

on my face while my body decides its time to drop an egg and purge itself for a few days, can

just go to hell.



float on
July 27, 2010, 6:53 am
Filed under: free flow to music, Life, Poetry | Tags: , ,

*I wrote the following piece while listening to the sound below.  I did not edit this after it was written, this piece is the rough draft of what I thought as I listened to the music below…

flowing down a river and listening to the sound of my heartbeat in my ears.

i am letting everything go.

i am relaxing and going with the motion of the current.

it is too hard to push back all the time and sometimes it is easier to just

float on.

i wish for a longing that is deep within me.

i hope to find the peace i know is there.

i am letting myself go

i am just being and seeing where this takes me

the water is warm,

the current is pleasant and comforting.

i think the best option for me is to just float here,

taking comfort in the fact there is a place to float

until i can learn to swim

and raise my awareness beyond the current,

beyond the water,

beyond, beyond.



silent killer
July 26, 2010, 7:16 am
Filed under: Emotions, Poetry

my body is a serial killer

it kills everything i love

my ability to eat oranges, onions, garlic

red meat, shellfish, chocolate pudding, cheese,

whipped cream…

my body is a murderer

it killed my baby, my self-esteem, my shrinking waistline,

my growing sense of confidence, and my ability to

believe everything happens for a reason…

my body is a stranger

with a mind that overthinks, arms that

are weaker than legs, eyes that need glasses,

teeth that needed braces, feet that need orthopedic support…

my body is a terrorist

that rallies against everything, protests loudly in the street,

and tries to blow itself up to prove a point…

my body is a bandage

that wraps itself around me and tries to

protect all its exposed parts, tighter and tighter, to stop

its open wounds from bleeding out…

my body is growing

and skin is rejuvenating around the bullet

hole in my forehead, scabbing over and

hiding the evidence…

my body is my protection from all

the wounds i have sustained and will sustain, it

re-grows and re-shapes, and re-examines itself…

my body is the only barrier i have to everything

i think about, worry about, feel pain about, gossip about,

wonder about…

otherwise, everyone could see, hear, and feel

what i’m really thinking…



Spotting
July 26, 2010, 6:23 am
Filed under: Emotions, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

i never knew

boy or girl

i only knew i loved you

i only knew i wanted you

i only knew the feelings you made me feel

the foods i wanted to eat so you

would grow big and strong

i made you eat your vegetables too early…

is that why you left?

i never knew that a bond with you could be so strong

boy or girl

son or daughter

my blood rushed in my veins

it scared me how fast my heat beat for you

did it scare you too?

is that why you left?

i tried to calm my breathing

and take it easy;

to fill my head with benign thoughts and

empty my brain of worry.

i was too much of a

mother

to you, before you were even born…

is that why you left?

did the walls of your safe haven

feel like they were closing in?

did you feel smothered or chastised?

did i love you too much?

did i not eat enough?

eat too much?

worry too much?

love too much?

cry too much?

did you look deep into my mind and

find you were not planned and

take this as a sign to start your

departure?

when i  noticed the blood,

i knew something was wrong

i knew you weren’t happy,

i knew you

boy

or

girl

son or

daughter

had

already

left.



Mag 24 – Waking Sleep
July 24, 2010, 12:43 pm
Filed under: Emotions, Poetry, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

your side of the bed was cold when i woke up today
i reached over for the reassurance of your hand and
grabbed only sheets

i didn’t want to open my eyes because then i
would have to see the lack of your breathing, bump of covers

i clapped my hands over my ears, because i didn’t want
to not hear the soothing rhythm of your breath
in and out, out and in, your leg jerking periodically
as you fought your own demons in your dreams.

i stayed still, forcing my legs to press together tightly
instead of allowing my curious foot to wander over to your side
and my disreputable leg to try to twine around your own leg, pulling
you toward me, your warm half-sleep filled arms wrapping around my waist
and your scratchy morning beard tickling my neck as you buried your face in my back.

i didn’t want to wake up today and face another day without you
so i stayed in bed, drew the curtains, and hoped to see you, and feel you again in my dreams.



free flowing thought
July 21, 2010, 10:42 pm
Filed under: Emotions, Life, Poetry | Tags:

time is a fleeting thing and it is almost gone

i feel as if i am walking on this road and unable to stop

my feet keep tapping on but i can’t seem to  learn the steps.

i wish someone would show me and teach me to dance with my words and with my actions.

why is it so dark in here?  why is it so full of fear and wondering what is next?

i want to make my own destiny.

i want to make my own time and  have my own plans

my own system for what is going to happen.

i  don’t want to be alone

walking forever on this conveyor belt of a personal journey

i hope that someday soon this endless searching will stop and i will feel completely calm

and

at peace with where i have ended up.

**this is what i ended up typing when i listened to this piece of music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AvP1atLBuo what an amazing experience and a wonderful way to help to open up the mind and free flow the thoughts that are on the surface.  music is truly magical and can create so many beautiful emotions.  thank you so much artswebshow http://artswebshow.com/ for your free flow poetry challenge http://artswebshow.com/2010/06/23/free-flow-poetry-let-go-of-reality/…I owe you one :)**