A Life Less Blog

Purity of Communication?
July 15, 2010, 9:26 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags:

In order to write down the thoughts in one’s head all of the thoughts must
be sifted through, strained, and boiled to the consistency of taffy. This
way they can be stretched out and examined and all of the excess dribble
that hangs on somewhere in the middle will be heavy enough to drip down and
break off, thus leaving the mind clear for exploration without all the
clutter. You will find that people very rarely know what it is they are
thinking about and are able to voice it or give it a structure. We have all
grown up with an idea of what is right and what is proper and voicing one’s
thoughts out loud goes right up there with not feeding your vegetables to
the dog under the table (at least not when anyone can see you); but what
about when they can? I think that even when they are able to see you, there
is still a need to hide what you are doing. Does this then mean that no one
is honest with anyone else…or just that no one really cares enough to
really check up on everyone? Is there such a thing as PURE communication? Is
there a way that we can say what we mean and mean what we say, or is the
thought of being so honest with ourselves and others completely terrifying
that we will mentally repress the need to express ourselves or fill our
lives with other things just so we don’t think about it? What are we afraid
of? Rejection, laughter, humiliation…all these reactions are possible, but
so are acceptance, understanding, the need for comfort and connection with
another. Is it possible to stretch a thought so much that the meaning of it
alludes us to the point where we have forgotten what the thought signifies,
or worse make a thought signify something it isn’t just so another person
finds it valid?! I want to be able to think without the voices of other
people encroaching on what is right and proper and yet I want others to
think that what I think is right and proper so I feel connected to them.
Thinking this way is very isolating. I feel alone in my observation of
others, cut off from experiencing life in a relaxed way while feeling the
need to analyze why I am not relaxed in my own experience. I want to relax.
I want to feel connected to the world and its inhabitants while still being
able to create and thrive off of the energy around me. Is there energy
enough around to sustain my own thoughts and give them meaning to me? Or
does the meaning elude me just as much as it seems to allude others? It is
important for me to have someone witness my life and understand my thoughts,
so that I do not feel that when I die I would not have contributed something
to the world, or given something of myself that others could look to and be
comforted by or something which they could learn from and use to make their
life easier. It is difficult to think that there is nothing at the end
besides darkness or the disintegration of the body into the energy around
us. I hope that the energy I dissipate into is not filled with “bad vibes”
or negative thoughts. I want my spirit and my essence to surround others and
inspire them to do something with their lives! To create, and live everyday
experiencing new and awe-inspiring wonders that surround them; even in
everyday objects. The world is pulsating with beauty, pulsating and bursting
with creative force! All one has to do is tap into it in order to feel
engulfed with positivity and drive. I feel this alternate plane of existence
running parallel with ours and sitting just below the surface of our
consciousness, I only wish that there was a way that I could make this
apparent to others, to enhance the experience of it for everyone. There is
too much beauty to take in at once, and too much energy to store up for a
time when I can process it and figure out what it means. I want someone to
share it with. I want someone to tell about it. I want to be able to
communicate with another person, if only to tell them what I feel around us
all the time and try to understand if they feel the same thing?

Musing before a Cognitive Psychology Reaction Paper
January 28, 2010, 7:50 pm
Filed under: Emotions, Life | Tags:

It is always fascinating to me how the amount of noise in a room can be separated into individual conversations just by focusing the ear on a particular individual or group. How does the ear know to filter out other sounds so eavesdropping is made easier? As I sit in this crowded lunchroom I am being pulled into several different conversations and the speakers are unaware that I can hear them. There is always someone in the room who is louder than another and it is usually a cursory phrase like, “No way!” or “Get out!” that can be heard over the cacophony of voices.  The amount of peripheral noises, i.e. crinkling chip bags, twisting off drink caps, and even the occasional ring of a cellphone or a text message can also be heard. For a room full of college students who claim to have heightened intellectual pursuits most of their conversations are pretty banal. There is one girl who keeps trying to get the attention of others so she does not have to sit alone and contemplate her sad, gradually getting cold, cup of soup. There are lots of sodas and water bottles in various stages of full and almost empty on each table. One of the chefs is sitting in front of me and trying to take his lunch break and calmly read the newspaper; which is proving to be difficult because of the decibel of a particularly enthusiastic young woman trying to grab the attention of her friend on the other side of the room. How does our ear and more importantly our brain function enough to filter out the erroneous sounds and thoughts that are a normal part of daily life? What if our filter was broken? Would we be bombarded by too many stimuli for our senses to process? The idea of the psychic who has no control over her powers of mind reading and so therefore is privy to the thoughts of everyone around her all at once and can’t function normally due to an information overload comes to mind. How much knowledge can actually fit into our brains? Do they ever reach a limit? Is knowledge like sex, in that, at a certain age it reaches its peak and then starts to peter off after a time? I think this is what makes us human…our ability to process information and retain it over time and learn more of it even after we feel we have learned all there is to know.  Is it possible to empty out all the erroneous ideas that come to my mind so that I can really hold onto the thoughts that matter? If I had a place to plop the crap that is wading through my head I might have a chance to focus on something with tangible significance. Is it possible to really and truly be free from emotional and intuitive thoughts long enough to yield some type of promising writing?  Only time will tell if this is going to work! Thoughts overboard!