A Life Less Blog


Spotting
July 26, 2010, 6:23 am
Filed under: Emotions, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

i never knew

boy or girl

i only knew i loved you

i only knew i wanted you

i only knew the feelings you made me feel

the foods i wanted to eat so you

would grow big and strong

i made you eat your vegetables too early…

is that why you left?

i never knew that a bond with you could be so strong

boy or girl

son or daughter

my blood rushed in my veins

it scared me how fast my heat beat for you

did it scare you too?

is that why you left?

i tried to calm my breathing

and take it easy;

to fill my head with benign thoughts and

empty my brain of worry.

i was too much of a

mother

to you, before you were even born…

is that why you left?

did the walls of your safe haven

feel like they were closing in?

did you feel smothered or chastised?

did i love you too much?

did i not eat enough?

eat too much?

worry too much?

love too much?

cry too much?

did you look deep into my mind and

find you were not planned and

take this as a sign to start your

departure?

when i  noticed the blood,

i knew something was wrong

i knew you weren’t happy,

i knew you

boy

or

girl

son or

daughter

had

already

left.



Mag 24 – Waking Sleep
July 24, 2010, 12:43 pm
Filed under: Emotions, Poetry, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

your side of the bed was cold when i woke up today
i reached over for the reassurance of your hand and
grabbed only sheets

i didn’t want to open my eyes because then i
would have to see the lack of your breathing, bump of covers

i clapped my hands over my ears, because i didn’t want
to not hear the soothing rhythm of your breath
in and out, out and in, your leg jerking periodically
as you fought your own demons in your dreams.

i stayed still, forcing my legs to press together tightly
instead of allowing my curious foot to wander over to your side
and my disreputable leg to try to twine around your own leg, pulling
you toward me, your warm half-sleep filled arms wrapping around my waist
and your scratchy morning beard tickling my neck as you buried your face in my back.

i didn’t want to wake up today and face another day without you
so i stayed in bed, drew the curtains, and hoped to see you, and feel you again in my dreams.